Snowy Peace

I found myself feeling lost in what priorities had to be finished this week before my 46th birthday. As I searched all the logical places I normally secure important documents, I could not find my birth certificate to get the “Real ID” star on my renewal license. I could not figure out how to upload the information needed to produce a 1099 for free on the IRS website even though I had called and set up new accounts through the IRIS website. I struggled to keep up with my desired frequency for the pelvic floor rehab that has begun to help my perimenopausal body.

As I worked myself into a shame spiral of how could I be so irresponsible and disorganized with my documents? I really used to be tech savvy, when did I loose the resolve to figure it out? And how are you supposed to know which mental, physical symptoms are in relation to the change of life and when are you simply just a baby throwing a tantrum?

Thank goodness for the snowfall, as it reminded me how I feel when I connect with nature. I took the time to pause long enough to recall a childhood memory of playing by myself in the snow on the farm where I boarded my horse as a child.

The falling snow called me on to the Heritage Trail at Tippecanoe Battlefield Park. As I walked the trail I found gratitude for the time and space to go on this hike. I practiced listening to something other than the thoughts swirling in my head. I found curiosity in the trees, playfulness in the squirrels, lightness in the birds, flow in the creek, and peace in the snow. I found my own rhythm in the crunch of my footfall, energy in the crisp clean air, and slowly a space between the thoughts.

I teach walking meditation to my horsemanship students all the time. I am consistently intrigued how easily I forget to use these practices in my everyday life. However it reminds me to have grace for myself and others in this process. We have to be consistent with our practice to make lasting change. Yet we must have grace as we may fall out of balance or routine with our practice. Once I remind myself to have non-judgmental awareness with my walking meditation, I found more efficient ways to solve my “problems” and am able to take action steps post walk that help me find peace and flow.